Lessons on Manhood Part Three: To my Younger Son on His 21st Birthday

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It’s now a family tradition.

A couple years ago, in an attempt to fill the void left by the loss of your dad, I wrote Lessons on Manhood I Learned From Your Father for your brother and you. The following year, your brother turned 21 and a I penned a letter detailing what he had taught me. Now that you have reached this milestone, I’m proud to to detail the exemplary example you present:

Make your words count: A few deliberate comments are more compelling than an extended tirade.

Keep watch: Discreet observation can be the best educator.

Provide a safe harbor: Be known for the one to turn to when times are stormy.

Fancy f-words: Faith, family, and friends form a firm foundation.

Be brave: A heart of gold inspires nerves of steel.

Stay in the loop: Being out of touch induces ignorant decisions.

Tinker: Working with your hands enriches your mind.

Don’t seek applause: Pride in a job well done is all the cheerleading you’ll need.

Be a wolf in sheep’s clothing: Demonstrate your tenacity with quiet confidence.

Form a posse: A few cherished friends are more valuable than a gaggle of acquaintances.

Develop x-ray vision: Not everything (or everyone) should be taken at face value.

Be loyal to a fault: May it never be said you turned your back on those you love.

Take the bull by the horns: If something isn’t working, make it your job to fix it.

Build bridges: Seek common ground, not segregation.

Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve: Your scars are reminders, not honor badges.

Cross the line: Doing something unexpected is always intriguing.

Be a ladies’ man: Having only male friends restricts your perspective.

Hone your competitive drive: Choosing your battles wisely results in more victories.

Throw away the key: Confidences are not to be broken. EVER.

Chime in: Being a part of a team enhances your identity.

Go the distance: Perseverance forges character.

Cast off your armor: A little vulnerability soothes a wounded heart.

Laugh until joy abounds.

Love till your soul overflows.

Live to make your spirit dance.

,
Mom


This post originally appeared on Medium.com

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To My Son on His 21st Birthday: Lessons on Manhood

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Dear Son,

In my first letter, I related to you and your brother what I had learned about manhood from your father. On this, your 21st birthday, I want to acknowledge the lessons you have taught me:

BE AN INDIVIDUAL: Don’t conform to what other people think you should be.

HAVE A STRONG WORK ETHIC: Go the extra mile. Don’t rest until the task is completed.

ADAPT: Don’t bang your head against a wall that is impossible to move. Acknowledgement and assimilation of a difficulty is sometimes your best option.

BE A FIERCE DEFENDER: God help anyone who harms a loved one.

LIGHT UP A ROOM: Have a contagious smile and infectious personality.

DEMONSTRATE GENEROSITY: Even the smallest gesture can have meaningful impact.

HONOR YOUR HERITAGE: Cultural roots are strong and deep.

BE TRUSTWORTHY: No one should doubt your dependability.

OWN UP TO MISTAKES: Excuses are the tools of cowards.

TACKLE TREPIDATION: Conquering a fear is euphoric.

BE A MENTOR: Teaching the next generation is a gift to eternity.

CELEBRATE JUBILANTLY: Life is meant to be embraced.

HAVE A GOAL: Resolve and determination will keep you on your path.

DISAPPOINTMENTS WILL HAPPEN: Picking yourself back up strengthens character.

BE NOTABLE: A little infamy can be a good thing.

TRAGEDIES MAY BEFALL: Allow your soul to grieve.

POSSESS COMPASSION: Empathy is a scarce necessity.

BE PROMPT: Consider another person’s time as important as yours.

PLAY NICE WITH OTHERS: You won’t always get your way. Deal with it.

CULTIVATE AN ATHLETIC DRIVE: Dedicate yourself to improvement. Strive for excellence.

TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR LEGACY: It’s your most cherished inheritance.

LAUGH until you cry.

LOVE to the heavens.

LIVE to make a mother (and father) proud.

Love,
Mom


Originally published in @HumanParts @Medium.com

To My Sons: Lessons on Manhood I Learned From Your Father

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Dear Boys,

BE A STUD — Eat and breathe whatever you are involved in. Study it. Practice it. Focus.

BE A MAN’S MAN—Have a real friend, not an occasional drinking buddy. Cultivate a colleague and confidante.

DON’T SHY AWAY FROM WOMANLY MATTERS—Sometimes your wife or girlfriend might need you to pick up a box of tampons. Don’t freak out. Menstruation is not contagious.

START A FOOD FIGHT—Embrace the silly side of life.

DANCE—Nothing is more romantic.

MARRIAGE ISN’T ALWAYS 50/50—Like a see-saw, the amount of give-and-take fluctuates.

GET INVOLVED—You have no right to criticize if you don’t contribute.

NO WHINING ALLOWED—Don’t let your troubles be your definition.

MODESTY IS OVERRATED—Some of our best conversations were during your father’s “morning constitutional.”

BE A HERO—Allow someone to look up to you. Earn that adoration.

BE COMMITTED—Buckle up and tough it out. There’s joy in the roller coaster and pride at the finish.

APPRECIATE IMPERFECTIONS—Don’t let someone’s faults (or your own) become a catalyst for conceit.

BE A LEADER—Establish your own character. Don’t follow indiscriminately.

BE HUMBLE—Boasting is not masculine. Save your hot air for balloons.

PAY IT FORWARD—Blessings are communal.

FAMILY FIRST—Never, ever let them doubt who is most important.

HAVE FAITH—God rules.

EMBRACE ALL GENERATIONS—Nine-years-old or Ninety-years-old, everyone has wisdom.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE VULNERABLE—You won’t always know the answers. It’s OK.

HAVE INTEGRITY—A man is his reputation.

LOOSEN UP—Not everything will go as planned.

BE COURAGEOUS—Your family and friends will draw strength from you.

LAUGH—Even in the direst of situations, there is humor to be found.

LOVE—Let it be your compass.

LIVE—It’s the finest way to honor your dad.

Love,
Mom


Originally published on Medium.com