Culture

Dead Butt Syndrome, Hair Loss, and Funky B.O.

/ Lisa Gastaldo / 1 Comment
Image by max leroy from Pixabay

Just a few of the odd pandemic ailments causing our coronasomnia

I’ve dealt with perils of maskne, been troubled about the effects of skin hunger, and fretted over the infamous “quarantine fifteen.”

(OK — Who am I kidding? It’s more like 20 or 25. My muffin top is now a seven-layer cake.)

But nothing could prepare me for the headline accosting me during my early morning social media scroll:

Dead Butt Syndrome emerges during pandemic

Holy Heinies Batman!

My cheeks clenched in alarm, I had to investigate this menacing malady.

Dead Butt Syndrome (DBS), technically known as Gluteus Medius Tendinopathy (GMT), a.k.a. Dormant Buttocks Syndrome, a.k.a. Gluteal Amnesia is a real affliction and it’s spreading across America.

Our hours of prolonged sitting have caused our posterior muscles to weaken, misfire, or simply forget how to work, causing tingling, numbness, and/or pain. Left untreated, it can lead to hip, lower back, and leg pain.

Our dearly departed derrieres are sleeping off the pandemic like Rip Van Winkle.

Greatly unnerved, I decided to research what other odd conditions we could expect to encounter as a result of over a year in isolation.

Tearing our hair out

We’ve all laughed at the quarantine haircuts gone wrong memes. Chuckled at the home dye jobs that looked like they were done by Jackson Pollock instead of Vidal Sassoon. (My son cajoled me into cutting his hair. He wanted a tight fade. He got a cockeyed zigzag.)

But did you know pandemic stress is freaking our follicles out?

Our hair cycle has three phases: growth, transitional, and resting. When we experience a shock to our system — be it physical, emotional, or both, our bodies react by keeping more and more hairs in the resting phase. Stunted, they eventually throw in the towel and fall out.

Physicians across the country are seeing a huge increase in patients reporting excessive hair loss. Our lives have been uprooted and our manes are following suit.

It’s no wonder our couches are looking like Chia Pets.

Ew! What’s that smell?!

Chances are — it’s you.

Have you noticed a peculiar funk following you around lately? Do you keep cleaning out your pantry searching for that forgotten potato you’re sure has begun to rot? Blame it on pandemic body odor.

There are two main culprits contributing to our musty auras; the first being the quarantine Big Stinky Cheese: Yep, stress.

Humans produce two types of sweat: Normal, everyday sweat to regulate temperature and stress sweat — a thick, viscous secretion that foul-smelling bacteria love to feast upon.

This brings me to the second culprit: Our microbiomes — the mix of bacteria, fungi, and viruses that live on our skin — are transforming. Each of us carries a unique microbe “cocktail” that’s affected by every living thing we come into contact with — including pets.

In our pre-pandemic life, we interacted with dozens of people on a weekly basis. Now the social life of our epidermis squatters has been greatly diminished. We may be missing our daily organism exchange with the person who added just the right amount of zing to our zest.

When we’re hunkered down with a select few, their concentrated condiments can make our microbial parties a little too pungent for our delicate senses.

If we used to waft a slight scent of G&T with extra lime (yes, it’s my go-to beverage, in case anyone is interested), we may now reek like a garlic and brussel sprout smoothie.

Tossing and Turning

A recent study by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine found that Google searches for insomnia rose 58% percent during the first five months of 2020.

Lisa Medalie, PsyD, CBSM, a behavioral sleep medicine specialist, has dubbed the phenomenon coronasomnia. She cites our favorite party crasher — stress — as a primary cause of our restless nights:

“People seem stuck with their minds racing about finances, homeschooling, work challenges, health fears, uncertainty, and struggling to transition into and back to sleep,” she explained to Healthline.

Now we’ve added sluggish tushies, shedding tresses, and malodorous biomes to the worry tilt-a-whirl hindering our slumber.

Trouble Shooting

Experts assure us we can reanimate our defunct fannies, our molting is only temporary, and there are ways to alter our body odor to a fragrance that won’t make our eyes water.

Many advise employing new coping strategies to mitigate stress and improve our sleep.

Call me jaded, but I am exasperated with the ceaseless self-help articles and news segments that only serve to point out how topsy-turvy our lives have become. It’s been nearly 9000 hours of persistent tension. My battery is drained. My circuits are fried.

But then again — maybe it’s time to get my rear in gear: Don a cute hat and lather on some deodorant.

Perhaps I’ll take a cue from Sleeping Beauty and find a vaccinated Prince Charming to kiss my ass and wake that puppy up.

Maybe then I can catch some z’s.

Originally published on Medium.com

Are We in For Another Roaring 20s? Or Will We Be Too Afraid?

/ Lisa Gastaldo / 1 Comment
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Is society prepared for the psychological aftermath of a global crisis?

The experts may dispute when it will happen, but there is a light at the end of our pandemic tunnel.

It could be the end of Summer, Thanksgiving, or even 2022. One thing history teaches us — we will see the other side of the crisis.

The question remains, however, how will we handle it? Will we experience post-traumatic euphoria or PTSD? Will we explode like confetti canons into socializing or double-down on our agoraphobia?

Our post-tunnel vision is yet to be seen, but there are some clues.

Rip-Roaring and Raring to Go

Considering the constant barrage of doom and gloom over the past year, it is only natural for us to cling to the hope of reliving the fabled Roaring 20s. Bursting from the constraints of the Great War and the Spanish Flu pandemic, the 1920s is often held as the icon for post adversity exuberance.

Even prohibition couldn’t dampen the spirit of the generation. The “danger” only made it more exciting. Quite simply, they were happy and having fun.

Or were they?

It was a decade of prosperity and dissipation, and of jazz bands, bootleggers, raccoon coats, bathtub gin, flappers, flagpole sitters, bootleggers, and marathon dancers. It was, in the popular view, the Roaring 20s, when the younger generation rebelled against traditional taboos while their elders engaged in an orgy of speculation. But the 1920s was also a decade of bitter cultural conflicts, pitting religious liberals against fundamentalists, nativists against immigrants, and rural provincials against urban cosmopolitans.*

Then again, maybe we aren’t so far off.

Give me shelter

When reporting the results of its 2020 survey, The American Psychological Association (APA) declared: “We are facing a national mental health crisis that could yield serious health and social consequences for years to come.”

The BBC recently reported on who is most likely to experience lasting mental health problems in a post-pandemic world. Like with the virus, itself, those who have preexisting conditions are the most vulnerable.

These include:

  • OCD — Particularly those with contamination or cleaning compulsions.
  • General anxiety disorders — Threats (such as those of variant strains, etc.) whether real or imagined can heighten the condition.
  • Chronic loneliness — Those who deliberately detached from the outside world to feel a sense of safety may find it difficult to reenter it.
  • Past trauma — The stress of living in a COVID-19 environment — even after things are opened up — can retrigger PTSD-type worries.
  • Fear of the unknown — This is especially challenging for those who face an ongoing drop in income or unemployment in industries hit hard by the pandemic, such as travel and entertainment.

Noting the numbers rising of those experiencing mental health difficulties as a direct result of the pandemic, researchers on now focusing on how existing disorders may exasperate the situation and how long the effects will last.

Joshua C Morganstein, MD, from Centre for the Study of Traumatic Stress in Maryland, explains that understanding the risks is essential to provide interventions and prepare for future public health emergencies:

Stress is like a toxin, such as lead or radon. In order to understand it and how it is affecting a society, we need to know who is exposed, when, how much and what effects were caused by the exposure.

How do we go about decontaminating an entire population?

Roaring back

With an infection rate already passing 113 million worldwide, one has to wonder if life can ever get back to normal. Why would anyone take a chance of contracting a disease or even death just to hit a happy hour or go dancing?

Yascha Mounk of the Atlantic compares our current (or soon to be current) attitudes to those of the 1920s:

…the devastation of World War I and the 1918 flu pandemic was quickly followed by a manic flight into sociability. The Roaring Twenties saw a flowering of parties and concerts. The 1918 virus killed more people than the deadliest war humanity had hitherto experienced, but it did not reduce humanity’s determination to socialize.

This eagerness to get out and congregate has already been made evident. Wuhan, where the pandemic originated, held a water-park music festival last August. No social distancing or masks were required of the thousands of attendees. New Zealand began hosting sold-out concerts in October and the three-day Electric Daisy Carnival scheduled for May 2021 in Las Vegas sold out in a single day.

People are fed up with being pent up. They are tired of being alone.

Hope springs eternal

Despite the negative impacts of the pandemic, the aforementioned report by the APA states that 71% of those surveyed feel hopeful about their future.

Since the Roaring 20s, the U.S. has had numerous cataclysmic events: The Great Depression, WWII, and 9/11, to name just a few. Not to mention the plethora of natural disasters including the Dust Bowl, the Northridge Earthquake, and Hurricane Katrina. Boom to bust, war to peace, destruction to rebirth and back again: it’s the natural ebb and flow of history.

If these events have taught us anything, it’s that the human race is highly resilient.

Researchers are taking note of this rebound phenomenon in their investigations. In Sweden, the Centre for Psychiatric Research in Stockholm is studying the impact of the pandemic on individuals with already diagnosed mental health conditions. The hows and whys the majority of people are able to overcome their anxieties is a big part of the project.

Nitya Jayaram-Lindström, operations manager for the Stockholm project, explains:

We also want to understand factors that contribute to resilience, which is as important to understand as the risk factors.

Gaining insight into how a population is able to bounce back after a catastrophe is essential to create interventions for those who don’t.

Return to the land of the living

From Wall Street to Madison Avenue to academia, the nuevo Roaring 20s is the hot topic.

Jean-Paul Agon, chief executive of L’Oréal, the world’s largest cosmetics group, predicts the following:

People will be happy to go out again, to socialise (sic). This will be like the Roaring 20s, there will be a fiesta in makeup and in fragrances. Putting on lipstick again will be a symbol of returning to life.

Social epidemiologist, Dr. Nicholas Christakis, takes it a step further in his book: Apollo’s Arrow: The Profound and Enduring Impact of the Coronavirus on the Way We Live. Once we are relatively back to normal, he expects to see mass rejoicing and a carpe diem spirit:

What typically happens is people get less religious. They will relentlessly seek out social interactions in nightclubs and restaurants and sporting events and political rallies. There’ll be some sexual licentiousness. People will start spending their money after having saved it. They’ll be joie de vivre and a kind of risk-taking, a kind of efflorescence of the arts, I think.

It seems no matter what the risk, the basic human need to whoop it up (and make a little whoopie) is irrepressible.

Here’s to staying positive and testing negative

This tongue-in-cheek toast traditionally has referred to STDs. However, it takes on a whole new meaning in a modern post-pandemic world.

The custom of toasting to one’s health dates back to prehistory. Nearly every common language has a traditional word or phrase uttered when clinking glasses with family and friends. The majority of these translate to wishes for good health or a happy life.

From the Czech Na zdraví! (To health!) to the Portuguese Viva! (Life!), all are social talismans reminding us to eat drink and be merry while we still have the ability to do so.

I’m ready to raise my glass. Are you?

L’Chaim!

*Mintz, S., & McNeil, S. (2018). Overview of the 1920s. Digital History. Retrieved 2/28/2021 from https://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/era.cfm?eraid=13&smtid=1

This post originally appeared in Change Becomes You – A Publication of The Good Men Project @Medium.com

An Open Love Letter to Trader Joe’s

/ Lisa Gastaldo / Leave a comment

With a nod to E.B.B.*

Mike Mozart — Flickr

My Dearest Trader Joe’s,

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
I love thee, to the depth and breadth and height
My arms can reach, when Joe-Joe’s are in sight
To the ends of earth, I’ll sing your praise

From organic ground beef to mayonnaise
Carnivore to vegan, you’re a delight
The most super of markets, you’ll incite
chaos when out of two-buck chardonnays

Syrah-Soaked Tuscan, Chianti Salami
Marcona Almonds, Raisin Rosemary Crisps
Fig Butter, Blue Cheese Olives, and Truffle Dip
You’re my go-to monger for charcuterie

Plump grapes, dried apricots, Triple Cream Brie
Greater provisions than a cargo ship
With some epicurean showmanship
My hors d’oeuvres boards become Insta-worthy

Your zesty spices are pantry staples
E’eryday Season, 21 Salute
Umami Blend trends, but there’s no dispute
The rule of Everything but the Bagel

When prepping to set the holiday table
Pumpkin to peppermint, nary time to loot
Cranberry tartes, Turkey & Stuffing en croute
Advent Calendars and butter with maple

But the main object of this shopper’s affection
Is the grand assortment of Trader confections:

Madeleines, French Macarons​
Snickerdoodles, Blueberry Scones
​​Speculoos, Jingle Jangle
​​Stroopwafel, Pecan Kringle

Cheesecake, Carrot Cake, cakes with molten lava
Mochi, Hold the Cone, and ice cream laced with java
Triple Ginger Snaps, Dunkers — Chocolate Chip
​​Sea Salt Caramels, Mallows drenched in mint​ ​​​ ​ ​​ ​ ​​​ ​ ​

One last confession: Your congenial crew —
The courteous team of laid-back extroverts
Decked out in broad smiles and bright Hawaiian shirts —
Is my sultry culinary rendezvous

And so,
Joseph, my merchant beau, should the grocer gods choose
I shall love thee until my credit you refuse


Your devoted patron,
Lisa

*P.S. My sincerest gratitude (and apologies) to Elizabeth Barrett Browning for her poetic inspiration

Originally published on @Medium.com

When it Comes to Women in Their 50s, Google is Shamefully Wrong

/ Lisa Gastaldo / 1 Comment

Apparently, we are dowdy, decrepit, and hard up.

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

I’m not sure what possessed me — boredom, gluttony for punishment, or morbid curiosity — but I googled Women in their 50s. According to their almighty algorithms, our sense of style is up there with the People of Walmart, our bones are as brittle as October maple leaves, and we’re toting vaginas that are enticing as Death Valley.

Good God! Call Kevorkian already!

I had half expected to see the famous pair of Jennifers @50, JLo and Aniston, topping (taunting) my search and spouting how great life as a quinquagenarian can be. (Say that one 50 times fast.) Instead, the article atop the page was WebMd’s Your Body in Your 50s.

This charming slideshow describes the delightful deterioration of your health when you reach half a century. Some of these include:

  • Diminishing Brain Health: No need to dwell on your cognitive decline — you couldn’t concentrate on it long enough anyway. Just eat more fish swimming in olive oil and you’ll forget all about it.
  • Failing Mentality: Warnings of depression brought on by menopause and alcohol. Their solution, “sit less and move more.” I’ll get off the couch eventually, but I need to gulp down my wine first.
  • Immune System Malfunctions: Not only does your immunity weaken, but it slows to sloth-like momentum and can even “attack itself by accident.” So, the Invasion of the Body Snatchers was just an allegory for a mid-life health crisis?
  • Hearing Loss: Excuse me, did you say something? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of zombie T-cells gradually devouring my organs.
  • Vision Loss: Did you know you can no longer shift your focus easily is because your eyes “get stiffer with age?” “Hey! Eyes up here mister! Oh, you’re 50+? I’ll give you a minute.”
  • Menopause: Their solution for hot flashes, mood swings, and painful sex? Antidepressants, sleep, and lots o’ lube. Pharmaceuticals and Slip N Slide sheets — mandated midlife mood enhancers.
  • Bone Disintegration: In your 50s, your broken-down bone cells outnumber the stronger ones. You’re just one trip and fall away from being left out on the curb. Best have a P.I. attorney on speed dial.

The odds of finding useful information are 50–50

I love going down a research rabbit hole, so I’m always game for the other topics the learned browser might suggest. In their “People also search for” box, they list Goals for a 50-year-old woman, Things to do when you turn 50 years old, and Finding purpose in life after 50. Looks like Google supposes that without their guidance, we are all wandering around apathetic, lethargic, and aimlessly waiting for the inevitable dementia diagnosis.

The People also ask section also lists these popular queries:

  • What should a woman in her 50s wear? According to AARP — Dark denim, more dark denim, and cardigans. So, Mr. Rogers on a casual Friday, got it.
  • What should you not wear in your 50s? Old fashioned skirts, fleece, and loud makeup. No Caroline Ingalls/Nike/Tammy Faye Bakker ensembles — understood.
  • At what age does a man stop getting hard? Yeah, I know, but it appears it’s something us horny 50s-year-olds with dehydrated vajayjays are very curious about. (If I’m understanding the math correctly — about half the men in their 50s suffer from ED.) The stiffer the eyeballs, the softer the johnson?
  • How do you sexually arouse a woman in menopause? Again, it looks like we are clueless (and obsessed) in this department, too. Their suggestions: Lubrication (Tip to 30-year-old self: Buy stock in Astroglide. It will come in handy. Yes, all the puns intended.), bolstering yourself with pillows (more cushion for the pushin’ against that delicate skeleton), and “going solo.” If we were experts at the last one, would we even need to ask this question?
  • What foods should you avoid after 50? Cut down on sugar, salts, carbs, and alcohol. Doesn’t the internet realize that a steady diet of banana bread, French fries, and cabernet is keeping me sane as I approach the last best years of my life?
  • What is the average weight for a 50-year-old woman? I won’t dignify that body-shaming search with the answer, but suffice it to say, I’m four pounds over. I’m tall, so it evens out. But, then again, I live in Los Angeles. I’m considered a behemoth.

The cyber search for meaning continues

Interspersed with the tales of health horrors and aging beautifully tips are the articles on reinventing, rediscovering, and reclaiming your identity. Finding the “courage and the freedom” to be your “true self.” It’s as if the first five decades of our lives didn’t amount to anything.

Did we spend all that time in hiding, waiting for the world to acknowledge our greatness? Were our personas that precarious?

I don’t know about you, but I think have done a lot in the first half of my life: I married my great love, raised two boys into adulthood, survived widowhood and breast cancer, traveled abroad, and reinvented my career more than once.

My list is not complete, and I plan on accomplishing much more. I have no doubt your lists are just as impressive.

Originally, I was going to say, “even more impressive.” I grew up believing it wasn’t ladylike for a girl to toot her own horn. That is the one thing I have realized in my 50s — I haven’t found my voice, I’m finally comfortable with using my voice. If that makes others uneasy, so be it.

Mid-21st-Century Modern

There still is a long way to go equal pay/opportunity department, but we are a lucky generation. Our current role models for those in our fifties include the aforementioned Jennifers, Padma Lakshmi, and Sheryl Sandburg to name just a few. There are hundreds of vibrant, intelligent women breaking through boundaries and straddling all industries for us to chose from.

When we were young women, the 50-something role models presented to us were The Golden Girls and Queen Elizabeth — aging females with one foot presumed to be in the graveyard.

It looks like Betty White and Her Majesty had other plans.

Do not deprive me of my age. I have earned it. — May Sarton

This post originally appeared in P.S. I Love You @Medium.com

We Are a Nation Birthed From a Temper Tantrum

/ Lisa Gastaldo / 2 Comments

Is there any hope for a peaceful outcome for our Grand Experiment?

child-4073641_1920Image by Sarah Richter from Pixabay

Before it became a symbol for intolerance, the Don’t Tread on Me or Gadsden Flag was the battle cry for the Revolution. According to Dictionary.com:

The snake was an established symbol for America at the time. Benjamin Franklin notably used it, saying the rattlesnake never backed down when provoked, which captured “the temper and conduct of America”

When in the course of human events

From the Revolution to slavery to Manifest Destiny, our national consciousness has been fixated on mastering our domains. Right vs. wrong is entirely subjective for both the collective and the individual. Road rage to riots — our causes are so just, those whom we may have to cut off, conquer or suppress are inconsequential. Our dogmas are myopic. Our aim may or not be true.

It becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another

We began as a nation of runaways, now bereft of a soothing parental influence. Left to our own devices, unity and goodwill are being abandoned. Our sources of information — our leadership — are driven by what will garner the most advertising dollars, the most votes — the most power.

With divisions smouldering for decades, society seems to be at the brink of a bonfire. Quarantine combusting within an election year has anxiety overriding logic. Our economic stability and physical well-being are uncertain. Conflicting statistics and social media are kerosene fueling the kindling. Fear stokes. Frustration smokes our reasoning. Is it any wonder we are kicking and screaming until we get what we think we want? Is it even our fault?

People are not disturbed by things but rather by their view of things — Albert Ellis

Known for creating the foundation for modern cognitive therapy, Dr. Albert Ellis is widely considered one of the most influential psychotherapists in history. According to Psychology Today, “No individual — not even Freud himself — has had a greater impact on modern psychotherapy.” He coined the term Low Frustration Tolerance (LFT) in which adults, much like a child, cannot tolerate situations they find frustrating. Nor do they think they should have to.

This was not an entirely new concept. The Stoics argued that frustration and angst stemmed from trying to make reality fit our needs. Philosopher Alain de Botton explains, “At the heart of every frustration lies a basic structure: the collision of a wish with an unyielding reality.’’ Freud echoed the reasoning, arguing that neurosis stems from turning away from the unbearable. Ellis took it one step further, stating LFT is more than basic exasperation:

To become disturbed by frustrating events, an additional belief is required: that reality must conform to our wishes, or it will not be tolerated. In other words, frustration intolerance arises, not just from the wish that reality was different, but from the collision of demand with reality.

An individual — in our case, a society — suffering from LVT, holds a wide variety of irrational beliefs. They are greatly exaggerated and often don’t make sense. Indicators of LFT include:

  • Focusing on present and immediate gratification rather than on future goals
  • Feeling sorry for themselves while neglecting the feelings of others
  • Seeking out easy rather than difficult challenges
  • Showing impatience
  • Engaging in awfulizing matters, or making things worse than they are
  • Angering easily

Sound familiar?

That they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness

We have been taught since grade school these words are to be revered. The American Dream of prosperity for all was to be the envy of the world. Somewhere along the way the communal “they” has been replaced with my life, my liberty, and my happiness. The rest be damned.

Is it possible to regenerate empathy and connection? Or have we become too self-absorbed with our resentments? Can we foster compassion instead of defensiveness? Replace outrage with grace? Why are differing points of view continually considered a threat?

The injustices of this world are complicated and not easily unravelled. It will take time and patience. We need to comprehend that not all grievances are equal. An individual — or a community — suffering unbearable hardship doesn’t diminish another’s pain, but it may outweigh it for a while. Perhaps, along with rising up, we should be lifting up. Maybe, when we are all standing shoulder to shoulder, can we abide in peace.

With a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor. — The Declaration of Independence

This post previously published on Illumination | @Medium